"You need to work on relationships as much as on an IT project." IT families: Daryn Zhursin and Tabigat Zhambulova

Daryn Zhursin, city — Almaty, DevOps Engineer

Tabigat Zhambulova, city — Almaty, backend developer

About Us

Tabigat. After graduating from university in Astana, I moved to Almaty for work. A month later, I met Daryn. He captivated me with his perspective on life, values, and great sense of humor. From the first meeting, I felt that he had serious intentions. We started dating almost immediately. For several months, we communicated long-distance. However, thanks to his frequent weekend visits, we spent quality time together and got to know each other better. Then, Daryn moved to Almaty with me. That’s how our story began.

Daryn. We met on Tinder. I arrived in Almaty after studying in China. I had no acquaintances or friends there. After meeting Tabigat, I fell in love with her immediately. I am grateful to her for trusting me back then. Two weeks later, I got a job in Astana. During this period, I flew to Almaty every two weeks to visit my then-girlfriend. But after three months, I decided to move and take any job, even as a courier. The main thing was to be with the person I loved. Already in Almaty, I was offered a job at Kaspi, where I developed a desire to grow professionally.

How We Entered the IT Field

Tabigat. The path was thorny. At first, my potential was noticed by my husband. I immersed myself in a new sphere for me with his belief and support.

Daryn. I entered IT after studying Computer Science in Hangzhou. I worked abroad but missed my family deeply. Therefore, I now spend as much time with them as possible. Currently, I work for a company that provides outsourced software development for foreign clients. I provide technical solutions within the DevOps practice.

Tabigat. In the summer of 2020, I started my studies with Udemy courses on PL/SQL. After completing a basic Computer Science course, I won a grant from TechOrda to become a full-stack developer. Throughout this time, Daryn supported me and was a true role model.

Now I work as a developer at an insurance company. I study in parallel, spend a lot of time reading documentation, and consult with colleagues. My work format is offline. This helps me immerse myself in work processes faster.

I don’t want people to have the illusion that you can “make easy money” in IT. There are many nuances in this field. I don’t like slogans like: “We’ll help you get a job in six months.” Don’t believe in the easy achievements promoted on social media. Sometimes we forget about the normal path with failures and victories, falls, and rises.

Division of Responsibilities

Daryn. Tabigat handled almost all household chores while I worked. Then we moved to Montenegro — here I continued working, and my wife took care of household chores and taught math online. Even in Almaty, I saw her perseverance and diligence, so I persuaded her to spend more time programming. I gifted her a Udemy course, thanks to which she learned the first patterns.

Tabigat. From the very beginning of our relationship, we never had problems with household chores. Daryn does not divide tasks into “male” and “female.”

At different periods of life, we adapt to circumstances. For example, in Montenegro, I took care of the house more because my husband was fully immersed in working for an international company and handled all financial matters. It would have been unfair to assign household chores to him.

Daryn. I don’t like labels when only one person does cleaning or cooking. We have harmony in this. The only exception is dialogue. If you’re in a bad mood or don’t want to do something, you tell your partner. They listen and help if possible.

Family Traditions

Daryn. In our free time, we walk, visit different places, and go to spas. We don’t have a common hobby, and I’m glad about that. For example, I like film photography, and Tabi loves nature trips. I play games and watch anime, while she watches Korean dramas. I prefer text messages, while she often talks via video calls. We are opposites, and that unites us.

Tabigat. While living abroad, we loved buying snacks and “zoning out” listening to domestic podcasts. Our constant traditions include weekend breakfasts, walking around Almaty, and talking about everything.

Daryn. Hugs are mandatory before bed. Without them, nothing works; a person simply doesn’t function without hugs. This is one of the most important rules in our family. We are open to dialogue. We never criticize our partner for mistakes, as they are already vulnerable at that moment. We try not to accumulate unpleasant moments and discuss them immediately.

Combining Household and Work

Daryn. At home, we don’t talk about technical work details. After all, I live with my wife, not with a colleague. In the early stages, I had “imbalances” where I needed to tell her what she was doing wrong at work. Professional deformation kicked in. But now Tabigat is a formed specialist with her own vision. I have nothing left to teach her; she can even give me a run for my money.

Recommendations for a Happy Family Life

Daryn. I don’t like teaching other people, and I ask others not to teach me unless I ask them to. In interpersonal problems, I try to work with the source directly. Completely happy and perfect people do not exist. Quarrels and nitpicking happen everywhere. It’s good when you can approach them without emotions. But if you can’t, it’s worth seeing a specialist.

You need to work on relationships no less than on an IT project. Often, the most difficult tasks come from family life. After all, a computer is predictable, while a person has many more layers of abstraction.

Tabigat. We have been married for only two years. It’s too early to give any recommendations. But I realized that everything starts with us. Difficulties are given for growth, and there is no point in complaining about them. A strong and happy union is the work of two people.

How IT Families Differ from Others

Tabigat. The plus is that your partner can share your emotions and work moments. They understand the state when you spend several days debugging one error, experience burnout, or, on the contrary, joy from completing a task. Or when you can’t answer because you are focused only on work.

A major advantage of IT is the ability to work remotely. Although this has become so common that it can no longer be considered a unique feature.

Daryn. We are just like everyone else — doctors, butchers, or stable owners. With the same impulses and desires. We want a better life for ourselves and our loved ones and do it without a specific goal. If you have a goal, you are not a samurai, because a samurai has only a path.