IT families: Alexander Gudov and Maria Tsvetkova

Alexander Gudov, city — Dubai, entrepreneur, leader, @gudov.alexander
Maria Tsvetkova, city — Dubai, front-end developer, @marusia_inside

About Us

Maria. Sasha’s younger brother and I were friends. I think he even lived with me. And Sasha came to visit his brother at my home.

Alexander. Masha served everyone soup called Zuppa Aretina with potato croquettes. And I mistakenly called it a sauce, which probably offended her. Later, we met at my brother’s birthday party. I found out that Masha studied at the best university in Kyrgyzstan, spoke excellent English, was planning an internship in the US, and was interested in the IT field. That was the moment I became interested.

How We Entered the IT Field

Maria. I was studying at university as a double major, meaning I studied at two faculties simultaneously, like a real Hermione. And as a true programmer, I didn’t finish programming; instead, I finished business. Because back then, programming was difficult for me. I didn’t understand how I could earn money from it. I lacked understanding of the business side of programming. And then Sasha entered the IT world.

Alexander. I began gaining my first entrepreneurial experience and launched courses in Bishkek on acquiring IT professions. These were HTML layout courses. Then, after some time, a full-fledged programming school, Attractor School, appeared, which I built and founded. And Masha completed training in layout.

Maria. Then I started working, and I also returned to university for one year and obtained a full-fledged profession.

Alexander. So Masha is more about programming and technical specialization. And I am more about entrepreneurship and education. Although I was a web designer and a personal coder in the past. And Masha, besides being a talented programmer, is also a unique person.

Distribution of Responsibilities

Alexander. We have been living in Dubai for three and a half years. Currently, I am launching another online programming school. I am working on an entrepreneurial project, while Masha works in employment. When we both worked in a company, our household arrangement was one way. Now it has changed.

Maria. In our family, some circumstances may change, but we maintain the same principles of household distribution.

Alexander. The same applies to cleaning. Cleaning is not an obligation. It is voluntary. I perform certain actions: I make the bed, tidy up some clothes, take them to be washed, and periodically start the washing machine. We have a nanny who looks after the child, plays with her, and can also do some household tasks.

Maria. If I have an anxious period, I start cleaning the house. Moreover, I clean in places where I usually don’t clean at all.

In general, whoever is free, does the work.

Family Traditions

Maria. We live in our own apartment in Dubai. We have a great view from the living room, panoramic windows, and a view of the sea and yachts. We have a family tradition for just the two of us: after putting our daughter to bed, we turn off all the cold lights, leaving either only warm light or backlight. We pour ourselves tea and spend about an hour without phones, the child, or the TV. We simply spend time together as a couple.

Alexander. Several times a week in the evenings, we talk.

Maria. We also have a tradition where Sasha makes me coffee. I don’t wake up without my cup of coffee. Even if he goes running at six in the morning, it’s better for him to prepare my coffee in advance, because if I wake up and there is no coffee, I will be upset.

We argue interestingly and usually do so about once every six months. If, for example, an argument falls on a Tuesday or Wednesday, and we have busy weekdays, we say to each other: “Listen, there’s no time to argue. Let’s postpone it until Saturday. On Saturday, we’ll meet and discuss everything.” That is, we schedule time in our calendar when we sit down and argue. If we don’t handle it ourselves, we involve a psychologist and talk as a trio.

We argue carefully, without humiliating or insulting each other.

Also, we go on vacation, first of all, each separately. Then sometimes we go as a couple, and sometimes as a whole family.

Family Values

Alexander. Family is the most important thing. We believe that we can agree on everything. And as long as both of us adhere to certain agreements, we do not separate.

Maria. We have some rules. For example, we do not throw around threats of divorce and leaving.

Sanity and maturity. I rarely see this in adults; age comes, but maturity does not.

Alexander. Family is a project.

Maria. We work to ensure the project is successful. Sometimes our roles and responsibilities change, and people come and go from the project. But within the family, within our project, there are sub-projects. Household management is one project, the apartment is another project, moving is another project, and the child is another.

Alexander. For example, we are going to a concert, Masha buys tickets and sends me notifications on Saturday evening: “Date in the calendar.” Or vice versa, we are going to the cinema, I buy a ticket and send her a notification in the calendar that on Saturday evening we are going to the cinema.

Combining Household and Work

Maria. Work in IT is just like any other job. It also takes time, energy, and strength.

We find household life easy because IT salaries allow us to delegate many things. When there is money, it is much easier to organize your life. But because our schedules often change, our household arrangements also change.

Alexander. Achieving your ambitions is wonderful, but one desires even more pleasure.

Recommendations for a Happy Family Life

Maria. Go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. You need to work on your mind because we have few examples of healthy family models.

Alexander. A good recommendation is to keep in mind the thought that you are choosing a spouse or partner, not a housekeeper.

Maria. Choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions in life. Because this is the only relative you can choose. A partner influences many areas. You will raise children together, move, and cope with difficulties.

Alexander. Another recommendation is to travel. See how other people live in other countries, in other cultures and places.

Grow up, develop. Do not rush to have children. Live together for some time before entering this project. Approach the question of having children responsibly, because this is a project that requires a lot of effort, attention, and resources. You cannot abandon it; once you start, you go all the way.

How IT Families Differ from Others

Maria. I do not divide people into IT specialists and non-IT specialists, but mental work affects our thinking. For example, I often think about algorithms, which makes my thinking more algorithmic. However, this is probably the result of working with a psychologist, not a direct impact of IT. We have more freedom, but this is not only thanks to IT, but also to financial stability. We stress less about work, but this is a temporary phenomenon related to the popularity of IT. IT itself does not affect us so much.

Alexander. Some of the decisions we have made in life have been more successful. Also, we differ in that we do not shout at children or punish them.

Maria. We have a shared attitude toward money because we are ambitious and hungry. Also, we respect decisions made by each other.

Alexander. Family is a place where you can receive support.

Maria. We do not pry into each other’s affairs, like how much money you have or where you spent it. Each adult person can manage their own budget.

We are two separate successful managers who run joint projects.